I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
