there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
