I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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