What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
