you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize