I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
