Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
