Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
