I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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