so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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