According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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