called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
