haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
