My room smells like vodka and shame
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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