Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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