I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We're too hungover to prance.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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