my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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