if you like me you must not know who I am
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize