You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He did a backflip because drugs
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