just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
