Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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