I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
