do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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