I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
