guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize