If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
