sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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