i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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