You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
