the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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