I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
And then he peed in my hair
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