I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
