i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
