Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
love makes seman taste better
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
