Little spoons don't ask big questions
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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