don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
