As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
