Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
