I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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