there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
