guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
