The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
