Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
