Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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