I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
