I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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