Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
