the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
