We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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