R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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