areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize