I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Less talking, more tequila
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
