this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
