if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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