Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize