I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Tell her she can't have a vagina
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this will be a night to untag.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
