He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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