yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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