yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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