she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
