Whod you bang
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
