Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
