I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize