I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
