mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
