I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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