Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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