i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
