honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
