you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize