Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
