I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
