Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
