Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
