A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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